Post a Secret

I've become a serial blogger!!!! I just can't resist that 'Next Blog' button - it's absolutely stupid, but extremely addictive. The UPSIDE to all this though is that I have found some fan-tast-ic blogs - several listed on my main page; please check them out - and also found insight and helpful advice from fellow bloggers.

I guess its a natural extension to the people-watching I do when I'm out and about generally, but its also becoming a form of therapy for me, in that general sense that I see (read) more and more that there are more people like me than I ever thought.

Darn, and I thought I was unique, and the only person on the planet with these problems, fears, worries, loves.. you get the idea.

Anywho, I've just added the 'Post a Secret' site to the list - I've not been that moved for some time.

Bill Hicks said it better...

"I'm gonna share with you a vision that I had, cause I love you. And you feel it. You know all that money we spend on nuclear weapons and defense each year, trillions of dollars. Correct? Instead -- just play with this -- if we spent that money feeding and clothing the poor of the world -- and it would pay for it many times over, not one human being excluded - not ONE - we can explore space together, both inner and outer, forever in peace."


We are all one family, one consciousness, sharing this planet. Sometimes we feel the love, and sometimes we don't; but its there; You just need to look harder sometimes.
Yes, its an effort.
Yes, its a pain.
But the rewards when they come, more than justify the work you need to put in.

Go do ONE thing good today class, and report back.

Another Sumatra Earthquake

This says nothing, so instead of reading this, go and phone an aidline and donate what you can to help the people affected by this latest quake - USGS have upped this from 8.2 to 8.7 ( the Boxing Day quake that sparked the tsunami was 9 )

At the very least, if you have a god, get praying. If you don't, well that gives you more time to watch the news unfold and dial the numbers...

Thankfully, there are no signs of a major tsunami as yet, but I hear they need to wait a few more hours before declaring an 'all-clear'. Not that that has stopped the scenes of sheer panic and fear.

This should give you more info: http://earthquake.usgs.gov/eqinthenews/2005/usweax/

Easter Sunday

..yummy - loads of choccie eggs and crap films on TV!! Hurrah!!
As you may have guessed, I have no religious genes or tendencies whatsoever; This holiday to me is all about the chocolate, time off work, recharging the ol' batteries and going off to the car boot sales and parks / museums with the kids. Oh, and the chocolate.

Thank God for Cadburys!!!

And Happy Eater to you all - (I know you're out there, I can hear you munching away on easter eggs...)

My Top Ten Stephen Wright Jokes...

(but not necessarily in that order)
10. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
9. My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
8. My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
7. If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
6. I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
5. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
4. There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
3. When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
2. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? That guy who wrote that song wrote everything.
1.I intend to live forever.... So far, so good.

( Apologies to Mr Wright if I've mis-quoted - too busy laughing to notice my shite note-taking)

Checked up on my friend

and he's doing better; he's back with his old girlfriend, and hoping to get referred back to his original therapist, who did wonders for him. Hope it works out this time - He always finds a way of not going, when she gets too close to the truth. Last time it was cash, so I've offered him the littler I have to go and get started - no strings and no pressure; Heres hoping...

So we're clearing the loft

and, there hidden under all these boxes in the corner was the Lost Ark of the Covenant. Not your flea market imitation or art-deco reproduction, but the real thing! Bloody heavy and quite bulky, but luckily it just fitted thru the loft hatch.

So we get it into the garden and polish up the outside. What a remarkable piece of craftmanship! None of your cheap, mass-produced muck, no sir! Hand-crafted panels, beautiful gold leaf on the carved figures, and a well-fitting lid. Which was nice.

Well, we took the lid off and bugger me if the thing wasn't full of old papers! We just started to read them when suddenly there was all this ball-lightning and 'hand-of-god' stuff coming out of the box. The street lights went out and neighbourhood dogs started yelping. I told the wife not to look at the light, but does she ever listen? Of course, next thing you know, her eyes started to melt! Right there in front of the kids! There was wailing and sobbing, and obviously, no supper. Dash it all, I was looking forward to a nice bit of fish.

Anyways, we put the lid back on and took the whole thing to the scrap-merchants. Got £25 for it too! He thought he had a bargain, but the jokes on him cos we're not even religious!

Chauffeur...

...is NOT a title. Its an ACTION. Best done in the privacy of your own home, although cheap hotel rooms will do in an emergency.

Saved someones Life... pt II

Just to give you all a sense of 'closure' on the previous post; had the meeting with my awol worker, kicked the LIVING SHIT out of him, bought him back to consciousness, then started the whole process again, until he whimpered and blacked out.

Actually, I flashed that in my head in the second it took me to enter the room and sit at the table. We talked, he apologised, I empathised, blah blah - you get the rest. He got a warning and docked a days pay ( for being a CUNT ). Got bored, moved on, put it 'behind us'. Here's to hard liquour. takes the edge off a hard mornings' managing...

Saved someones life today at work

- walked away from an argument that was getting out of hand. To cut a long story short, one of my dept managers walked out half way thru a Customs audit, leaving his team and myself in the lurch! What a complete wanker and utter lightweight. This is part and parcel of his role, and he completely wigged out and walked!! I started to go after him, caught him up in the car park and tried to ask him what was wrong. After he'd finished screaming at me about the short-notice and overwork, etc ( we'd had a few weeks notice; not a problem at all )
I lost it.
Big time.
Just for a second. (or six)

But it was enough to lose that air of authority and quiet confidence I normally have ( If I do say so myself!); so I let him go.

Anyways the audit went without a hitch, the Customs officer having seen plenty of evidence that we were doing the right thing. Ironic really.. So tomorrow I'm faced with a sit down with this guy and working out WHAT THE FUCK happened in his brain. CUNT.

I am calm...

Before I Forget...

Whatever you do, Never, EVER... No hang on; ALWAYS, yes thats it, ALWAYS, above all else... Oh FUCK!!! FUCK IT - I've forgotten it again.

Lost In Translation

You know the scene where Bill Murray is in the bath, talking to his wife on the phone, and he says "...I'm lost..."? Best scene in the movie and crux of that character. In my humble opinion. But I'm gonna watch it another seven times. Just to make sure.

My other life...

So to the crux of the blog, I guess. The 'not-quite-an' affair with a work colleague.

Yes folks, that old chestnut of mans greatest weakness; the opposite sex. Or actually the prospect of sex with someone who isn't your current partner. We're close, and we've done stuff, but no full intercourse. yet. Like that makes it better? Its all very confusing, these boundaries;

At what point does it become a full-blown affair? the act of thinking about her naked, the act of seeing her naked, or the act of fucking her, naked?

We keep going between 'we need to stop this; It'll destroy so many lives' to 'when can we steal our next 10, 30 minutes, few hours together?'

You think you're thinking straight when you try to rationalise the whole relationship; I won't go into stuff now, but its not just the physical attraction that kicked this off.
Then you think you've got a handle on it because you get a sick pit-of-the-stomach feeling at the guilt wave thats nearly drowned you as you go about your business in the local deli, or waiting for a bus, or even worse, eating with your family.

Boy With A Problem

I feel like a boy with a problem I can't believe what we've forgotten And I even slapped your face and made you cry It's the last thing I want to do Pull the curtains on me and you Pull the carpet from under love Pull out like young lovers do You swore you wouldn't shout If it's not your punch then its your pout Days in silence try my temper Nights spent drinking to remember How memories are always tender

I crept out last night behind your back The little they know might be the pieces I lack Came home drunk Talking in circles The spirit is willing but I don't believe in miracles I've got a problem but let's go to bed I can roll over and I can play dead But here I am in the doghouse instead I feel like a boy with a problem I can't believe all you've forgotten Sleeping with forgiveness in your heart for me...

Peel Me A Grape

Peel Me A Grape

Peel me a grape, crush me some ice
Skin me a peach, save the fuzz for my pillow
Talk to me nice, talk to me nice
You've got to wine and dine me

Don't try to fool me bejewel me
Either amuse me or lose me
I'm getting hungry, peel me a grape

Pop me a cork, french me a fry
Crack me a nut, bring a bowl full of bon-bons
Chill me some wine, keep standing by
Just entertain me, champagne me
Show me you love me, kid glove me
Best way to cheer me, cashmere me
I'm getting hungry, peel me grape

Here's how to be an agreeable chap
Love me and leave me in luxury's lap
Hop when I holler, skip when I snap
When I say, "do it," jump to it

Send out for scotch, call me a cab
Cut me a rose, make my tea with the petals
Just hang around, pick up the tab
Never out think me, just mink me
Polar bear rug me, don't bug me
New Thunderbird me, you heard me
I'm getting hungry, peel me a grape

Krall v Costello

Its not much to ask; to be noticed / spoilt every now and again. To have a just a moment of the life inside 'Peel me a Grape' by Diane Krall. Instead I mostly have 'Boy With a Problem' by Elvis Costello. Ironic really, since those two were recently married. Wonder what songs go thru their heads when they're hit rocky times? D'you think they pick from their own lyrics / tracks?

Flicking thru other blogs, it seems to be a common theme; people quoting lyrics to express their feelings or moods at a particular point in time. Maybe, like me, they can't find the words to express themselves. Maybe they can but the song just evokes a certain feeling, memory, person or place.

He sounds better

, my best friend - this is good. He'd gone to Hossie and they checked him over; Given him some psychiatric support, anti-nausea medication and he sounds better. Apologising for calling me after all this time with his shit like its ever a problem; 'You know its NEVER a problem' I said, its what we do. Its what we've done for eachother all these years. Hopefully I'll get to see him soon, but his current relationship needs serious work, so he's on that first. I'm always here.