So we're clearing the loft

and, there hidden under all these boxes in the corner was the Lost Ark of the Covenant. Not your flea market imitation or art-deco reproduction, but the real thing! Bloody heavy and quite bulky, but luckily it just fitted thru the loft hatch.

So we get it into the garden and polish up the outside. What a remarkable piece of craftmanship! None of your cheap, mass-produced muck, no sir! Hand-crafted panels, beautiful gold leaf on the carved figures, and a well-fitting lid. Which was nice.

Well, we took the lid off and bugger me if the thing wasn't full of old papers! We just started to read them when suddenly there was all this ball-lightning and 'hand-of-god' stuff coming out of the box. The street lights went out and neighbourhood dogs started yelping. I told the wife not to look at the light, but does she ever listen? Of course, next thing you know, her eyes started to melt! Right there in front of the kids! There was wailing and sobbing, and obviously, no supper. Dash it all, I was looking forward to a nice bit of fish.

Anyways, we put the lid back on and took the whole thing to the scrap-merchants. Got £25 for it too! He thought he had a bargain, but the jokes on him cos we're not even religious!