The 6 billion to one chance...
A comment from Paintergirl got me thinking again about the whole 'One True Love' thing, (in)fidelity, and this whole issue regarding finding the one person to share the rest of your life with.
Given that there are approx. 6 billion of us on this planet, I think we can start off by saying that there's going to be at least TWO people in the world who would be the perfect partner. So the real issues are why, how and if we should stay monogomous.
Obviously we have both camps well and truly voiced in the world of blog, and probably around every water cooler in every office in the world! Leaving aside the religious and social aspects of the debate just for a second, the 'whys' come down, in my simple-minded, male-bias opinion, to hurting the people around you as opposed to making others happy ( usually a much smaller number ) and the guilt levels of either course of action. " The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or one" as our pointy-eared friend once stated.
The 'how' ( assuming this route is chosen ) really depends on whether this is an affair ( of any duration ) or a life-changing decision to move forward with a new partner. 'Discreetly' would be my advice for the former, and 'slowly' I guess, for the latter. Overly-simplistic advice, you may think, but this isn't meant to be a treatise on the subject, and too often, because of the stresses, emotions and frailties of these situations, the people involved forget that its not just them in this scenario.
I suppose the 'if' really could be the result of the previous two; If the 'formula' is correct, you get the explosion, else you just stay on the bus, having just smiled at the person who caught your eye, and got a larger-than-expected smile back. And a number...
posted by T | 8:20 pm
12 Comments:
Perhaps one of the issues is the idea of the "perfect partner".
Maybe we need to wrap our minds around what being, or having, the perfect partner really means.
Without judgment...I sincerely hope you don't turn out to be one of the Heartbreakers of the world.
I think you're right about the perfect partner thing. Its all about accepting the fact that you know no one person is perfect and accepting that, and sometimes just needing to hope that the perfect partner is out there, rather than actively finding that person.
For the record, the number was read, the moment savoured and the paper torn up. I like window shopping, but I'm too frail to get my wallet out...
I am trying to be a 'white hat', but I know I'm not the only one who wonders what another life is like. And the one time my hat started to fall off, it felt wrong pretty quick; the whole things back in a archived post somewhere, if you're interested.
The only good Heartbreaker was Tom Petty...
Hey-I thought we lost you in the whole Blair re-election.
Ok-I really want to clarify my theory, but I don't have the time at the moment. Must go and make pizza for all. I sound like Jesus, I'm making pizza for the masses. (once again everything I've said today turns out bad)
I'll get back to you soon. Have a good weekend!
Hey PG; I'm eager to hear your theory, but you gotta feed the masses - we'll still be here when you get back...
Ok-so you know my theory, a handful of people that are right for you. Hopefully everyone will be lucky enough to meet at least that one person. Now, sometimes, (this is what I think), you may have met a person that was right for you, say when you were 10. How are you suppossed to know that when you're a child? Cruel hand of fate right? Maybe, unless you meet up with that person again in 20 years and there still is that connection. Now, if both of you are available, i.e. not married, then you've got yourself a match. So there are many scenerios as you can see. The tricky part, it is once again fate, if you think you've met up with someone else while you are attached. The person that you're married to needs you the most, and basically your attention. Thus, the other person you've come across, well, the circumstances weren't right for the two of you to hook up. There may be another time, or there may not be. Is this a bit confusing? there may be some holes in my theory but I still stick by it. So, yeah, it is comforting to know there are others out there for you, but your current partner needs you the most. There was a reason why you two got together in the first place. Most definitly one of your half a dozen people. I've taken up way too much space now. I think you know what the right thing is, for yourself and your spouse. It's reassurance that you are not alone.
Anyone interested in the theory of L? It's hard won. I've had way too many failed relationships, one failed marriage and only after hubby #2 and watching others have I come to the reality of the situation...
It's really unsexy but: There is no one person that is "your soulmate." That's fairy tale land, people. It also conveniently removes all the onus and responsibilities of being a good, caring and faithful partner...mind body and soul. Anything really good is not easy. If that was the case...everyone would be floating around in utter bliss.
With out the responsiblility and onus you say: "Hey! This marriage sucks. I guess I'm not with the right person"...INSTEAD think: "Hey, this marriage sucks...what am I putting into it?" Garbage in = Garbage out. "How much fun am *I* to live with?"
It's HARD work, man! But,in the end, you have someone that thinks of you first and foremost...a partner to raise your children with, a friend, a lover, someone to care for you when you're ill, and you don't die alone. If that is what you want. If all you want are quick highs then don't get hitched. Switch it up to your hearts content...but PICK ONE and stick with it.
The truth of the matter is...you shack up and get married many times out of antiquated convention, immature expectations and the fact that people do not want to die alone.
There are *many* wonderful, yummy men out there that I've met that I've had a connection and or spark with. Some I've wished briefly I could just be with, regardless of my being connected to someone else.
Being a responsible adult I've already got a "social contract" if you will...with another soul. Someone relying upon my faithfulness and honesty. I'm not going to break that contract unless I do it properly and above board. Full disclosure! "Honey, I want a divorce."
The first few months after "falling" for someone are delicious. Love, sex, admiration, newness, discovery, hope... it all fades into reality no matter who you've picked. It all comes down to trying to live together in harmony and with respect. No small task.
Window shopping, taking numbers, serious flirting, it's rather a lot like wanting a beautiful shiney red apple for dessert, selecting a lovely one, then getting stuck at the produce aisle because all the other apples are terribly lovely as well. The apple you've picked...is it as good? Well I picked it but I'm not sure...what about this one? this one? this one?? and so on...
You end up looking silly (to be kind,) getting nothing, and the apple in your grasp dries up while life is flying by. Not Fair! The apples in the pile see you're indecision and fear ending up like the one your holding and letting wither.
Hollow aint it?
My best advice...stop looking at the options and look at the choice. Make the best life of it you can. That's the magic fucking secret. As my dear mother always says: What makes you think you're so Muckin' Fuch?
Please understand: I say all of this with respect and complete honesty.
Hey LB-I completely understand. (is this cool to comment on T's blog to another blogger?)
I try to stay away from saying perfect because that sets a person up right then and there to flub up somewhere down the line, and you can say"ah ha-I knew you weren't right for me" I still think there are a certain number of people out there that are compatible. But like I said too, and what you are saying as well, if you're with a person, you have to give him/her your attention and make it work. And as you eloquently stated-full disclosure if there is no desire to continue the relationship.
PG: You know I love you and we are totally in synch with oh...so many things.
You know what I mean about there being no one magical person. Of course,I'm totally with you on people being better suited etc. But really when it comes down to it, whether or not opposites attract or like minds connect...it's about living together, picking up dirty socks and farting in eachother's company and STILL being able to get it on or at least wanting to.
I was talking to this little old lady one day. She was married some 70 years to the same darling old gent. She said the secret is "we never fell out of love with one another at the same time." My mother always tells me the secret to staying together for a successful run is just showing up each day for another go.
I do think it is that simple and complicated.
All I did was return a smile ...
Seriously, thanks for all your comments, this is why blogworld is so goshdarned cool; it can spark this kind of discussion ( and it doesn't matter whos blog its on ) and its just like having your best mates round for drinks and setting the world to rights. OF course, you are all correct in your theories, but I do like the 70-year olds' secret - That kind of nails it for me as the absolute truth!
Oh just a smile? I thought we were talking phone number exchange...
That smile must be something else, T!
Glad you're so open to a few of your mates just sittin' around shootin the shit.
As I said, I savoured the moment of receiving the number, but I didn't reciprocate, and I did bin it after. I'm trying to be a good guy, remember? Getting that reaction was compliment enough, any further and the real world comes rushing toward you.
Also, no Shit-Shooting; It makes a smelly mess and you can never get it all out of the keyboard.
Poop is really topic du jour...
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